I’m fasting

For both emotional and spiritual reasons but I’m definitely fasting.

I’m also searching for a human ATM. Someone who will empty their wallet on me. All I want to see is a cashapp notification saying someone sent me $500.

So if you’re that someone who wants to worship me and get me off step the fuck up.

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Let’s just sum this up.

I’m EXTREMELY triggered.

One of my close friends has relapsed and now it’s secretly a competition and I have to win. It doesn’t help that I ate a huge bowl of ramen and so much other things that won’t help me win. Fasting tomorrow, and I’m doing 100 squats and 100 crunches. I might do 50 before I go to sleep.

I have a job.

I have myself to work on.

I did it again

I relapsed

LMFAO but hey I didn’t spend any money on drugs. They were all partyfavors. I know I won’t be buying any my of my own for a long long long long long long time.

But here’s a picture. I think I’m gonna scrape my love off of the couch and take us back to his place. They’re very crazy there but I love their craziness.

Come to jesus

Im really sad and I did some drugs last night.

Idk if this is going to work for me

I’m way too emotional when it comes to baby

He can just crush me and not even mean to and I think that’s my problem?

Like it’s my fault for being so emotional

Do I always overreact?

It’s my fault

That it probably won’t work

It’s all my fault

Please don’t let this be it

Oh god please

Gimme

Gimme some words baby.

Gimme some knowledge baby.

Gimme some love baby.

I love you baby—never wanna be without my baby.

Just gimme all those sweet things I love and I’ll do the same baby.

Gimme some feeling baby.

Gimme some motivation baby. You always inspire me baby.

Push me to elevate higher baby.

I did it again.

I deleted my socials. Insta, Snap, Twitter. Because I’m tired of checking these apps to see if anyone has checked on me only to be dissapointed. Lmao I’d rather feel crazy talking to whoever may wonder across my words than feel crazy because nobody interacts with me. Lmaoooo anyways I’m crazy. I just did a mile and I have asthma. I smoke cigarettes and weed and I have asthma. But I’m determined to get rid of my asthma by doing at least a mile everyday. I think I weigh like 148 pounds. That’s fucking insane. Peace and love.

Yesterday

Yo. Yesterday was beautiful. My man opened up to me like a beautiful fucking flower blooming in the spring time. We went at each other’s throats and then dressed the others wounds.

Fucking thank you Universe. Thank you for allowing me to connect with a soul as sweet as his.

Jab

I got the jab.


I’m gonna get a car and a gym membership.

And I’m gonna have my car and my gym membership and my job.

Thank you Universe.


Now, no flex I am excited about all of the freedoms that will come with my car. But I should be equally as excited about the responsibility that’s coming with him/her.


I’m hoping to have her by the end of February. Universe guide me. Things are going a little weird in my life. But I’m trying to stay focused and stable within myself. Others may be inconsistent but I can stay SOLID. I think that may be my mantra going into 2018. SOLID.


ANYWHO, peace and love.

FLOPPY

I have no support.
It feels like i’m doing this all by myself.

I mean, aren’t I? Nobody else is living life through my eyes. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong. I just feel so alone, in the sense that, I want what I want and who is going to help me achieve my goals relentlessly>???? other than myself? I only have myself.

Im tired of wanting drugs, I’m tired of wanting to look different, I’m tired of being too tired to do anything. I’m tired of feeling too worn down by the world to fucking deal with my issues. What kind of life is this? Am I still capable of doing normal shit, productive shit?

I’m not going to lie to myself or anyone else. At this point, I’m sober as fuck, and Im pissed. I need some money and some stability so I can do what the fuck I want. And when I fucking get it, man nobody can tell me a fucking thing. Nobody better ask me for a fucking thing. And I fucking mean it.

BABY, I love you, but I’m living for me.