I have no support.
It feels like i’m doing this all by myself.
I mean, aren’t I? Nobody else is living life through my eyes. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong. I just feel so alone, in the sense that, I want what I want and who is going to help me achieve my goals relentlessly>???? other than myself? I only have myself.
Im tired of wanting drugs, I’m tired of wanting to look different, I’m tired of being too tired to do anything. I’m tired of feeling too worn down by the world to fucking deal with my issues. What kind of life is this? Am I still capable of doing normal shit, productive shit?
I’m not going to lie to myself or anyone else. At this point, I’m sober as fuck, and Im pissed. I need some money and some stability so I can do what the fuck I want. And when I fucking get it, man nobody can tell me a fucking thing. Nobody better ask me for a fucking thing. And I fucking mean it.
BABY, I love you, but I’m living for me.
I’m so over y’all.
Everyone just not giving a fuck about me.
Well I give a fuck about me. And I’ll do whatever the fuck it takes to make sure I’m okay. I just want to cut everyone off. Deadass. Im SO tired of y’all. Y’all the people who don’t see how stressed and depressed a bitch really be. But I’ll show yall.
I’m ataking break from my social medias. I’m not sure how I feel. I miss them only sometimes and when I cheat the things I see are only distracting and sad. I feel like I’m better off without them because I’m only comparing myself to everyone else. But I still have this urge or impulse to post things I’m proud of, my own accomplishments. Not in a show-boating way, I just want to share my little piece of happy. But deep inside I think that I also want to see what everyone else has going on, even if I know everyone isn’t sharing positive energy through their posts.
Anywho it’s national haiku day and I cheated and tweeted some poems earlier.
I’m conflicted with things going on in the world and how I should react. I’m choosing to grow and shed light on the things that are going well for me as an individual right now. I’m doing the best I’ve ever done at saving my money and I’m closer than ever to making a major purchase that will help me get a step closer to being the independent goddess I know that I am.
I need desperately to work on myself. My habits. My way of thinking. So many things. So this post is me reminding myself to take care of myself at all times. Put me first. Obviously no one else is, and if they are thats unhealthy in my eyes. I’m going to take care of myself. And I’m going to be okay. I deleted all of my social media apps tonight. I might delete some accounts later who knows. Social media just triggers me these days… This is a bit of a rant but still a REMINDER TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!
A bad ass mother fucker.
I’m dealing with some real life shit.
Some honest ass shit.
Idk whats gwon.
I’m really tired recovering from some drugs I did last night.
I want to do better. I need to do better. Do better.
now im committing to sex work.
im going to make the money I need to move on from this stage in my life.
IM FUCKING TIRED OF DRUGS
I want you to feel the pain you’re causing me..and I want you to feel the pain I’ve inflicted upon myself.
I want you to feel this hurt,
but you can’t if I keep numbing it out.
but you can’t if YOU keep numbing it out.
No one can feel anything if we both keep numbing it out.
My flesh and my mind and my soul.
I’ve tainted my mind with darkness.
Meanwhile my entire soul just wants to be free of everything-
thats sometimes good and sometimes bad.
anywho this shit is fucking hardliving like this…
Im eternally internally conflicted. But i know what wolf im feeding tonight.
Im going to starve her until she stops nipping at my heart.
I’ll take care of her, and ill take care of me.
just you wait and see