I’m really about to take my black ass to sleep. Not sure if I should smoke a joint and put on my Daddy playlist.
E is being really fucking weird and so is G.
At this point the only person I want it Luke James. The lord took his time when he made that man.
I wish I felt this way about G. I wish I could make it happen, I don’t think this is how that is supposed to feel. I feel like it should be undeniable. I’ve yet to feel that, mutually.
Call me a neck ass but I really liked that New Edition Biopic. It was really fucking good. They did an outstanding job casting those fine black men to bring that to life. Not to mention the amazing renditions they did on some CLASSIC ass baby making music.
Baby gave me a lot of insight earlier. He told me that shit does not get easier and that I basically need to suck it up and get it together. I appreciate him and his smooth ass. But I mean, I basically have a plan. Lets see if my birth givers want to invest in this next chapter of my life.
I feel like I got this. If they can take this leap of faith on me, I promise I wont let them down. But I mean, I promise I wont let myself down already. I can not let myself down, I’m all I’ve got.
This is when I stop, and realize how fucking crazy I really am.
I can do this. Small goals. Get a car, get a job, go to school. I can do this. I can save, I can build and I can spend responsibly.
It’s the universe. Shes looking out for me.
I’m exactly where I am supposed to be, right now..
I am so fucking up right now. It has nothing to do with drugs, but I’m up. Well maybe it has a little something to do with drugs.
I’m really fucking tired of being in this house. Im tired of repeating the same cycle. It gets very tiring. It’s about 5:00am, and I’ve been up. Im tired, Im so fucking tired. I cannot stress it enough. Even with me being as tired as I am, there is literally at this point NOTHING for me to do other than what I’ve been doing. How can I turn this into a positive?
I’m still dependent.
Again, I’m tired of being like this. Dependent on people and things. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired.
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